Much to Say?

I haven't had much to say. Or maybe I've had a lot to say and no time to say it. Maybe I've just felt like being quiet this winter. I guess it all just depends on the day.
Today? I have a few words.

The days have been filled with work at Hazel's school. I almost typed in "the kids school" but had to remind myself that August is now in MIDDLE SCHOOL! So, yes, working at Hazel's school almost everyday. I'm pretty tired, but it's been good for me to be busy. The play for her school is in full swing right now as well. Hazel is an Oompa Loompa along with many other 3rd graders. We have 95 students who are involved in our play this year. Yup. 95. The credit all goes to Heather Hawkins. She's doing such an amazing job with these kids. There are afternoons when I sit in my little corner doing paperwork and emailing all the families and I look up and think that by this time in the day I would have no patience for all these kids. And even on days when I know that she is tired and wishes she was taking a nap on her couch, that woman is directing these kids like it's the only thing she's got going on.
She's pretty amazing.
In reality? She's acting in a show at ArtsWest, directing our elementary school play AND directing a middle school play. Oh, and she's the mother of 2. Really inspiring.
Hmmm, didn't really start out thinking I was going to sing the praises of Heather, but, there you have it.
Hazel's play is April 8 and 9. Let me know if you want to go. I'm filling out the ticket order this weekend.

In other news? August is a preteen. Annnnddd, that's not so fun.
Recent quotes include, "I don't want to touch anything that belongs to YOU!" and well, do I really have to give you anymore? Meh, this too shall pass.

Hazel

Hazel is sitting on the other end of the couch cleaning her nails for the first time all by herself. I'm working really hard at not helping her because I want her to be able to do this herself. She is working very hard at getting all the dirt out and at one point she says, "Oh Mama, you do not want to see what's in this nail!"
Me: "Is it a booger?"
Hazel: "No, it's just a bunch of boogers....I mean a bunch of dirt!"
Me: "Glad you're cleaning them out then, huh?"
Hazel: "Yup."

Hazel, a few minutes later: "HOLY MOTHER OF STARS! That's a lot of dirt...and it kinda hurt!"

Birth Control

I'm sitting here watching Jon and Kate Plus Eight and I just realized that every commercial break consists of anti-aging creams and birth control pills!

Time

I'm happy to report that Trey and I have been married 10 years now! *note that one of my eyes is smaller than the other...this was taken after many glasses of yummy drinks and a great glass of wine.
We celebrated our anniversary in style on May 31st with a grand dinner at Canlis.
The kids were spending the night at Ann and Dave's house and were fed well too. They just love going on overnights with them. Thanks Ann!!
Our trip to Sasquatch was so much fun, thanks to Kathleen and Justin Boden! We would not have been able to spend my birthday weekend together at this great location without the two of them watching our childrend AND our dog. Thanks Kathleen and Justin!!the view was amazing and the shows were great. The last time Trey and I went to Cave B I spent most of the time enjoying the room. This time I watched more shows and met more people. Rainn Wilson announced a bunch of bands as a way to promote the movie he has coming out.
At one point I was sitting on the grass waiting for the next show when this group of people passes me...Trey mouthed that it was M.I.A. Holy Cow! We ran to watch the show but I could only handle 4 songs. She was amazing...it was the crowd I couldn't handle. I guess I'm just getting too old!
*all pictures taken by my iPhone

Another Week Down

Whew! Made it through another week as a kindergarten teacher!

I was able to have a little mini dance party with the kids. We danced to this song by Liz Mitchell and Lisa Lobe called "Dance Stop"

They love it. We actually dance to it once a day right after journal time...the kids need to wiggle!

Trey and August came home from 3rd grade camp in the middle of the day. They've been running around town like crazy trying to find my birthday present (I've no idea what they're getting me!) Hazel went to our local flower shop (she calls it a fairy store) and bought me some beautiful flowers.

Last night Hazel went to see High School Musical Live on Stage with Kathleen Boden. She's had a permanent grin on her face all day.

I'm ready to get out of Seattle for the long weekend. Thanks Kat and Justin for taking care of the kids and Tank while I drink wine and relax at Cave B!

Update

Well, it's been quite an adjustment this last week.
I'd like to say that the kids are just fine with all the changes in our schedule and if you'd have asked me last week I would have told you just that...but we're on week two of me working full time and I'm beginning to see some changes in their behavior.
I like to be at work by 8 so that I can get the room organized and make copies and do whatever other small task that must be completed by 9, which means that the kids are having to wake up around 7:15. It was difficult to wake them at 8...7:15 is almost torture! I try to get everything ready for them before I enter their rooms, I try to have breakfast packed so that they can eat in my class while I buzz around the school, I try to be positive while I poke and prod them from their beds. I try. And I sometimes fail.
The behaviors I'm seeing are definitely due to them being tired. Hazel has been very full of tears. Tears at the drop of the hat. I checked in on her today and watched her laugh and play with some friends but then she saw me and literally began crying in one second. Big tears. I walked over to a confused group of friends and hugged her and reassured her that when school was over she could come and hang out in my room until we leave. In the end I had to leave her crying to get back to my room.
August has been quiet. It could be because he's tired, it could also be that he's just working so hard at getting his homework done so that he can retire to his room to read the latest Percy Jackson book. Or it could be that he wants to rush home to play the guitar Trey bought him last week. Either way, the boy is changing from a little kid into a big kid before my very eyes.
When they have to be in my room in the morning and afternoon they are amazing. I couldn't ask for better behaved children. They are patient and willing to help get things done so we can leave.
I'm adjusting alright as well. No more idle time for me...every minute is used planning time slots throughout the day. I've got a great bunch of kids in this class. It should be a great 5 weeks. I can tell you that I am very much looking forward to Sasquatch. And I am very, very much looking forward to my week long trip with Trey in June. The count down has begun.

10 on 10 May

This month I focused on Hazel.
My girl loves to "organize" little things around the house, here are her shoes:
and her kitty- placed just right on the corner of the mantle.
Hazel also enjoys showing off her little cuts and scrapes.
She also loves holding my hand still...I love this too.
We went to a friends birthday party where Hazel showed her mad putt putt skills.

She did not enjoy the noisy lunch.
She LOVED being on the boat with Dave and El.
She always gets excited when we go to the dog park.
Because we almost always run into a puppy.
My girl Hazel has a style of her own.

Turn and Face the Change

So I have been in a funk. It's been hanging around me for way too long and I just haven't been able to shake it. I've been exercising, I've been pampering myself, I've been trying to fill my days with activities...still, the funk lingers. It's really just been a bunch of me feeling sorry for myself, that an me being jealous and envious and...feeling sorry for myself. It didn't help that Trey has been traveling to super fun places these last few weekends, leaving me here to wallow in my own self pitty.
Anyway, I've had some sub jobs lined up for Friday and Monday but on this past Wednesday night I received a call from a kindergarten teacher. She needed a last minute sub for the next day because she's pregnant and her Doctor wanted her to be on bed rest. I love her class and welcomed the distraction so I took the job. What started as a one day position ended as a full time (till the end of the year) position. So, now I'm a kindergarten teacher.
When the principal asked me to take over I thought that it was a great idea. I've been the sub for this particular class all year and the kids would have a smoother transition if they had someone they knew take over. I also thought that it would snap me out of my darkness. And it's worked. All I can think about now is how I'm going to fill the days for the 26 children. How I can get them ready for 1st grade in just 6.5 weeks. And that's the other good thing about this position, I work really well with end dates. If this had happened in January I'm not sure I could take the job, but because it's so close to the end of the year I feel that it's totally manageable.
The other day I was walking the dog while listening to Erwin McManus (the pastor of my brother's church in LA). I listen to the podcast whenever I get the chance. He has this weird way of speaking about things that I'm dealing with all too often. So this particular sermon dealt with a number of things, but the thing I walked away with was that really in everything we do we should do our best. Nothing new really, I've heard it before, but with the mood I've been in I ended the podcast on a bitter note. I didn't have a "JOB", I continued to feel sorry for myself. Then all this happened. And as I was talking to my sister-in-law I realized that this was my chance to really make a difference in a group of kids lives. Let me pause here by saying that I know that working a "JOB" is not the only way I can make a difference...that I have two beautiful children to raise and I should strive to do my best for them...and I do. But like I said, I've been in a funk and I've been loosing sight of how to do that.
Now I go to work in the morning and miss my kids and am not only counting down the days till the end of this position, I'm counting down the days until I can play with August and Hazel for the summer.
And you know what else? I could are less that it's cold outside and it's MAY!!!! I don't have the time to lament the fact that the sun has barely shown it's glorious face as of late cause I'm too busy trying to find lesson plans!
So, that's that. Like so many of my friends out there in blogging land, I'm working now, full time, and trying to keep things together on the home front...but it's all good. And I feel the fog lifting.

Poison

There are days when I wake up with this feeling in my stomach. The only way I can describe it is to say that it feels Toxic. This burning, hateful feeling grows throughout the day.
I begin every school day the same, alarm goes off at 7:45 giving me 15 minutes to get myself in a bit of order before I begin the slow and painful process of waking my kids up. This is my least favorite part of the day on a good day, but on these Toxic days they can be THE WORST.
I like to leave the house by 8:50 so that the kids can have morning recess with their friends. You'd think 50 minutes or so would be plenty of time to get them moving but I'm so impatient on these days. I hear myself rushing them over and over again. Asking them to do the same things, even making them chew their food faster. At times I'm able to step back and wonder what they must think of me on these mornings. Questioning what had happened in the night to make me so grouchy first thing in the morning. The truth is that I have no idea why I get this way. I have no good reason for this poison that grows and flows through my mouth.
On our trek to school I am pulling the dog and leading the kids up the street. She complains about the sprinkling or the cold while he varies between running ahead and falling behind. The whole while I'm talking to myself, questioning how I will shed this funk. Thinking that maybe if I could just get some time to myself I would feel better. Maybe warm weather would do it. Maybe getting away from my normal day would do it...all things I can not control.
Tank and I walk around for a while so that I can feel sorry for myself but also so that I can say that I tried getting some fresh air. We get home and I start cleaning, maybe that would work the poison through my system. I work out, take Tank to the park, get a coffee...the feeling is still strong. It's an all day funk. I talk to myself through it all. Talk to God through it all. And I wait. For the Toxins to leave.

The Ups and Downs

So Sunday was spent doing a bit of recovering. We've all be very tired as of late and have little down time and decided that we'd take naps and or watch TV after church and lunch.
Trey napped in our room, I turned on From Here to Eternity and cuddled up on the couch while the kids watched The Lion King downstairs.
One of the problems I've noticed when the kids watch TV (or play video games) for an extended period of time is that when it comes to turn it all off the kids kind of melt down. Every. Time. I've brought this to the kids attention and it seems to make no difference. We've cut the screen time down to the weekends and still...melt down city!
Anyway, so my movie ends and Trey takes Tank to the dog park. I haven't been much of a house keeper these days so I though that I could take some dog-free time to clean up a bit. I started in the kitchen and called down to August and Hazel to tell them that when the current show ends (they'd finished the movie and moved on to Sponge Bob by now) I needed them to help with recycling and garbage. "What?" I repeated my instructions and added, "Did you hear me that time?" Pause. "YES!!"
OK, I continue wiping, and sweeping and waiting. Finally they come tumbling up the stairs with, "What do you need us to do?" I repeat that I needed them both to take care of the recycling and trash. They both grab bags and head out the front door. By this time I had started vacuuming the kitchen floor (yes, I sweep AND vacuum the kitchen floor...what? We have a dog...he sheds!) I'm way into the vacuuming when I look up and see August smiling and Hazel sobbing.
August, smiling, says, "Hey Mommy, Hazel said she HATES me!"
Now let me just say, I was so angry with August for feeling happy to be telling me this.
I looked at Hazel, who again, is sobbing, and asked if she said this terrible thing. Her response, "I *sob* can't *sob* remember *sooooooooobbbbbbbbb*!" She can't remember folks. Can't remember what she said less than a minute before, which we all know, means that she indeed said it.
I'm upset. Upset that August was happy to tell on Hazel and upset that Hazel would even dream of saying such a thing to her brother. We have been working so hard at teaching the kids that they will love each other forever. That they will be in each others lives forever and should be kind to everyone, but especially to one another.
I tell August how upset I am that he didn't talk with Hazel about it first. This is something our school puts into practice. If you are having a problem with someone you go to them first, try to problem solve, and if that doesn't work out, you may seek help from an adult.
I just knew that if August would have spoken with his sister they could have avoided this huge scene.
Hazel, by the way, is STILL sobbing. I've asked her to go to her room and start cleaning it until I could deal with her.
In the mean time I've asked August to write what happened and what should have happened. Then I went to talk to Hazel. She finally agreed that she did say that she hated August but that she doesn't really hate him. I informed her that she couldn't come out of her room until it was clean and that she had to write an apology to August and remind him that she loves him so much. And all this had to happen by the time I was out of the shower.
I then took my leave and showered the whole scene down the drain. Here's the best part:
As I stepped out of the shower I could hear August in his sister's room. They were working together to clean her pit of a room. I was so happy. There are times when I feel like we've said thing to them over and over again and that maybe they just aren't listening. But this time, I think they heard me.
Here's the note August wrote:
"I was taking trash out with Hazel and she needed help so I dicided to play around. Hazel didnt like it and said I hate you, so I told you.
What should have happened was I should have talked to Hazel about it."**
Here's the note Hazel wrote:
"I iM SORY AUGUST
I LOVE YOU" ** * then she drew a heart balloon with a smiley face.
**exactly as written