So yesterday I went to USC and had another ultrasound. Blood has already been drawn, meds are being taken. Now for the ultrasound.
They are very professional at USC. The facility is great, the folks are kind, but when the gal asked me to lay on the bed to begin the procedure I had a small sense of panic. I think being put on medication made me realize that this isn't all over.
The ultrasound was long. She was very thorough. I turned my head this way and that. When I was turned away from her I began to really panic in my head. Tears started slowly leaking from my eyes.
I played the "What If" game.
- she finds something
- they want to operate again
- it's in my lymph nodes
To be honest, I'm not going to call for the results. I'd rather pretend it isn't happening. I will go on assuming that if there's a problem the endo will call.
My expectations have gone from assuming that this would all go away to it's all going to begin again.