You guys?I am tired. I'm so tired that the kids are commenting on the bags under my eyes. They are asking if I'm okay. They are making mention of the wrinkles they suddenly notice on my face.
My children aren't doing this because they are mean spirited. They are doing it because they are just now noticing it.
So, why am I so tired, you ask? Well, not sure. Could be that Hazel is sick again. Could be that it's spring but it's not really spring. Could be that we have to fix our stinking chimney. Could be that the play is coming to a speedy end next week and we're in full speed. Could be that August is experiencing some difficulties at school. Who knows.
This parenting thing though, it's killing me. So many choices, so many decisions...I'm sometimes finding myself wishing we could fast forward through the middle school years. And I say that knowing full well that I'll want to fast forward the high school years. And then? I'll wish to go back in time, to relive all the sweet moments. All the times when Hazel needed me because she wasn't feeling well. I'll want to be in the moment when August reached out to hold my hand because he felt alone in the world.
I can sit here on this couch and know all these things and the only thing I feel right now is TIRED. And I want this part of parenthood to be OVER.
6 comments:
Oh, I feel you, mama. Different issues, same bags and wrinkles. I am longing for our old girls' weekend to Portland. We should catch up- miss you xo
(I know you know this already but...)
Hang in there, Jenny - the fatigue will pass. Middle School will pass. The difficulties of school will pass. And you will be totally present in each day and take it all in and enjoy/hate/regret/love all of them.
You are one of the single most incredible young women I know. And I say that without reservation. Sounds like lots of stuff is happening right now so if a day at a time is too long, go with an hour at a time. If that's too much, a minute is great. Besides, the only thing we have for sure is the second that we are living in at the moment. Count on that and breathe.
And if none of that works...pick up Maniac Magee and sit for awhile and read. It's like oxygen.
Love you!
Oh, my heart hurts for you. I can help if you need. After the play let's get drinks.
Ahh, totally. I'm always trying to come to peace with the tension of this. Which is kind of an oxymoron so I guess I am really trying to accept the tension. heh
Anyway, trazedone works like a charm to make you fall asleep...but maybe it's just as good as a shot of whiskey?
xoxoxoxoxox
Great, and I was hoping that the tiredness would pass (or at least I would get used to it) after the first year.
Thanks guys,
We got out of town this past weekend and it helped a bit.
Marg, you might get used to it...you never know!
Aunt Allison, I am working minute by minute right now. And reading Blonde Roots...
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