5/10/07

glissade, glissade, jete, jete, jete and other moves i missed


Imagine my horror walking up to Hazel’s ballet class window and seeing all the other parents sitting in the room watching their little darlings dancing lightly on their feet. I was doing what I always do during her ballet class; I was getting coffee with August. Little did I know that today the parents were welcomed, no, no - encouraged to observe the dancers.
I stood at the window feeling a mixture of dread, regret and sadness. I dreaded the idea of Hazel’s reaction upon leaving the safety of the dance room. I knew she would take her frustration out on me, her frustration from being left standing alone with no parent to dote on her. To be honest, I would fully understand. The regret I was feeling was that I had indeed missed a lovely opportunity of watching my daughter act as if nothing else was in the room except the giant wall length mirror and her own reflection. And the sadness, well the sadness because I could imagine her heart beating a bit faster as she saw all the other parents file into the room waiting and waiting for me only to realize that I was not in the line. That I was not coming to watch her.
The waiting room is always rather crowded what with parents waiting to either pick up or drop off their dancers. When I realized what I had missed I weaved my way towards the door wanting to catch Hazel in my arms as soon as she stepped lightly from the studio. Each child walked out holding their parents hand proudly…and then there was Hazel. Her eyes were downcast, her shoulders slumped. My heart broke. I bent down, our eyes met and she was crying. She spoke as she sobbed questioning why I had not watched her. Wide eyed I explained her that I did not know, if I had known I would have sat with all the other parents. I would have beamed while I watched her. All I could do now was pick her up and squeeze her tightly and reassure her that I would always be there and that I was sorry.

9 comments:

palomarace said...

Oh jen, I am so sorry! I know that feeling all too well. I missed a mother's day performance/ classroom tea last year at zane's preschool. How I missed that I have no idea, but ALL the other moms managed not miss it. Zane walked out of his room with the look - that look that you described so well. It is the worst feeling, I know. But, you know you are so involved with everything your kids do. They know you are there for them 100%.

Jennifer said...

oh, i know...there's always next week...ugh, but to miss something...bummer.

tania said...

oh, jen. i am so sorry that happened. you did the right things and said all the right stuff to hazel. don't beat yourself up. there will be sooo many more wonderful performances and such to catch.

*you are an amazing mom.* (hug)

bandwidow said...

jen, that was beautifully written, i am crying for you. you did an excellent job putting words to your experience. it's so hard when children have to see that mommies and daddies are human too.

Bloomin' said...

TOTally sucks. Ugh!

kustuck said...

ugh. letting your kid down hurts, especially when it's due to a misunderstanding. i hope she'l simply forget it ever happened, and remember all of the times you did/do/will make it.

Jennifer said...

ehh...she's already over it...

kustuck said...

good :)

melissa said...

don't you love these moments. you leave feeling like crap...and then the kid is fine. it is horrible and wonderful all at once!