Jennifer Worried

I have always divided my life in chunks of time. I'd see a movie trailer that had an opening night date and I'd think of all the things that were planned between now and then. Or I'd cut my work time into blocks between the next good thing. Right now I'm focusing on one more week of work until we visit Scott and Amy. Then I have four and a half weeks until Sasquatch. Then I have three more weeks until the end of the school year. And finally I have one more day until I go in for surgery. It seems like a ton of things will happen before I go in.  I took the kids to a movie tonight and there was a trailer...I started to panic a bit because the movie will be coming out mid May and I thought, holy cow!  I have a long time to wait between now and the operation. That's a ton of days to worry. A ton of days to fill so that my head doesn't spiral out of control. So many nights to lay in bed thinking about the biopsy and the state I was in for that, only to start thinking about my state of mind when I finally go to the hospital. 

I read the Kevin Henkes book WEMBERLY WORRIED to my class on Friday. It did not escape me that I am WEMBERLY. When I am busy, I worry less. But the thing is, I don't really like being super busy. I've become a bit of a homebody. I long to sit on my couch and watch tv or read books. I'm exhausted at the thought of staying busy until June 18th and scared at the thought of sitting at home with my thoughts. 

As if all that wasn't enough- we're working on this move. We have to get the house ready to list and we must find a place to live in South Pasadena. I've forgotten how to move. I can't remember where to start. And I know I need to start soon because we'll be driving away as soon as my doctor gives me the all clear. 

It's all too much right now. As Petal is to WEMBERLY, this blog will be my worry stone. WEMBERLY found herself rubbing her stuffed bunny's ears when she worried. I will find myself dumping my thoughts here, otherwise I will spiral...and nobody likes me when I spiral. WEMBERLY'S parents and grandparents kept telling her to stop worrying throughout the book...just like Trey does for me. But the truth is, I can't. Let me reiterate that I am not worried that this will kill me. I know it's probably not cancer. I am worried about the operation. I'm a healthy person. I've only gone in to the hospital to give birth...and that ended with a baby. This time I will be going in to get cut open...at the neck!  I've got to stop. It's Saturday and we have plans.  Must categorize my thoughts and push these to the back. Hazel is up and watching The Animaniacs.  Think I'll join her!