Poison

There are days when I wake up with this feeling in my stomach. The only way I can describe it is to say that it feels Toxic. This burning, hateful feeling grows throughout the day.
I begin every school day the same, alarm goes off at 7:45 giving me 15 minutes to get myself in a bit of order before I begin the slow and painful process of waking my kids up. This is my least favorite part of the day on a good day, but on these Toxic days they can be THE WORST.
I like to leave the house by 8:50 so that the kids can have morning recess with their friends. You'd think 50 minutes or so would be plenty of time to get them moving but I'm so impatient on these days. I hear myself rushing them over and over again. Asking them to do the same things, even making them chew their food faster. At times I'm able to step back and wonder what they must think of me on these mornings. Questioning what had happened in the night to make me so grouchy first thing in the morning. The truth is that I have no idea why I get this way. I have no good reason for this poison that grows and flows through my mouth.
On our trek to school I am pulling the dog and leading the kids up the street. She complains about the sprinkling or the cold while he varies between running ahead and falling behind. The whole while I'm talking to myself, questioning how I will shed this funk. Thinking that maybe if I could just get some time to myself I would feel better. Maybe warm weather would do it. Maybe getting away from my normal day would do it...all things I can not control.
Tank and I walk around for a while so that I can feel sorry for myself but also so that I can say that I tried getting some fresh air. We get home and I start cleaning, maybe that would work the poison through my system. I work out, take Tank to the park, get a coffee...the feeling is still strong. It's an all day funk. I talk to myself through it all. Talk to God through it all. And I wait. For the Toxins to leave.

Snow

August came home from school yesterday with an idea. He was told by a friend that if you sleep with a spoon under your pillow it will snow the next day. He mentioned this to me at dinner with a shy voice and asked if he could have a spoon before bed. I told him that I wasn't sure it would work. He then quietly mentioned that he already had the spoon in his room and couldn't he just try? When I agreed Hazel ran to the kitchen and opened the silverware drawer and ran back to her room.
Somewhere around 11:30 I heard a spoon drop to the floor in Hazel's room.
This morning both kids woke up pretty easily, they both had snow on their minds. Hazel was the first one to run to the window, sadly disappointed that the streets were dry. August was next, his eyes were sparkling, he just knew the spoon had worked. His shoulders slumped as the curtains parted...no snow. I felt as though I had let my children down and talked about how it may still snow today...there are 24 hours in a day and we should not give up hope.
Hazel sadly announced that she found her spoon on the floor this morning so it's probably her fault its not snowing. I reassured her that it was not her fault because the spoon was still under her pillow which was on the floor too.
Right before we left for school I checked the local weather. August was excited to see that there is a chance for snow both today and tomorrow. All is not lost. If he can believe in the power of a spoon I'm pretty sure we've got at least 2 more years of Santa left.