Ugh

You guys?
I am tired. I'm so tired that the kids are commenting on the bags under my eyes. They are asking if I'm okay. They are making mention of the wrinkles they suddenly notice on my face.
My children aren't doing this because they are mean spirited. They are doing it because they are just now noticing it.
So, why am I so tired, you ask? Well, not sure. Could be that Hazel is sick again. Could be that it's spring but it's not really spring. Could be that we have to fix our stinking chimney. Could be that the play is coming to a speedy end next week and we're in full speed. Could be that August is experiencing some difficulties at school. Who knows.
This parenting thing though, it's killing me. So many choices, so many decisions...I'm sometimes finding myself wishing we could fast forward through the middle school years. And I say that knowing full well that I'll want to fast forward the high school years. And then? I'll wish to go back in time, to relive all the sweet moments. All the times when Hazel needed me because she wasn't feeling well. I'll want to be in the moment when August reached out to hold my hand because he felt alone in the world.
I can sit here on this couch and know all these things and the only thing I feel right now is TIRED. And I want this part of parenthood to be OVER.

The Ups and Downs

So Sunday was spent doing a bit of recovering. We've all be very tired as of late and have little down time and decided that we'd take naps and or watch TV after church and lunch.
Trey napped in our room, I turned on From Here to Eternity and cuddled up on the couch while the kids watched The Lion King downstairs.
One of the problems I've noticed when the kids watch TV (or play video games) for an extended period of time is that when it comes to turn it all off the kids kind of melt down. Every. Time. I've brought this to the kids attention and it seems to make no difference. We've cut the screen time down to the weekends and still...melt down city!
Anyway, so my movie ends and Trey takes Tank to the dog park. I haven't been much of a house keeper these days so I though that I could take some dog-free time to clean up a bit. I started in the kitchen and called down to August and Hazel to tell them that when the current show ends (they'd finished the movie and moved on to Sponge Bob by now) I needed them to help with recycling and garbage. "What?" I repeated my instructions and added, "Did you hear me that time?" Pause. "YES!!"
OK, I continue wiping, and sweeping and waiting. Finally they come tumbling up the stairs with, "What do you need us to do?" I repeat that I needed them both to take care of the recycling and trash. They both grab bags and head out the front door. By this time I had started vacuuming the kitchen floor (yes, I sweep AND vacuum the kitchen floor...what? We have a dog...he sheds!) I'm way into the vacuuming when I look up and see August smiling and Hazel sobbing.
August, smiling, says, "Hey Mommy, Hazel said she HATES me!"
Now let me just say, I was so angry with August for feeling happy to be telling me this.
I looked at Hazel, who again, is sobbing, and asked if she said this terrible thing. Her response, "I *sob* can't *sob* remember *sooooooooobbbbbbbbb*!" She can't remember folks. Can't remember what she said less than a minute before, which we all know, means that she indeed said it.
I'm upset. Upset that August was happy to tell on Hazel and upset that Hazel would even dream of saying such a thing to her brother. We have been working so hard at teaching the kids that they will love each other forever. That they will be in each others lives forever and should be kind to everyone, but especially to one another.
I tell August how upset I am that he didn't talk with Hazel about it first. This is something our school puts into practice. If you are having a problem with someone you go to them first, try to problem solve, and if that doesn't work out, you may seek help from an adult.
I just knew that if August would have spoken with his sister they could have avoided this huge scene.
Hazel, by the way, is STILL sobbing. I've asked her to go to her room and start cleaning it until I could deal with her.
In the mean time I've asked August to write what happened and what should have happened. Then I went to talk to Hazel. She finally agreed that she did say that she hated August but that she doesn't really hate him. I informed her that she couldn't come out of her room until it was clean and that she had to write an apology to August and remind him that she loves him so much. And all this had to happen by the time I was out of the shower.
I then took my leave and showered the whole scene down the drain. Here's the best part:
As I stepped out of the shower I could hear August in his sister's room. They were working together to clean her pit of a room. I was so happy. There are times when I feel like we've said thing to them over and over again and that maybe they just aren't listening. But this time, I think they heard me.
Here's the note August wrote:
"I was taking trash out with Hazel and she needed help so I dicided to play around. Hazel didnt like it and said I hate you, so I told you.
What should have happened was I should have talked to Hazel about it."**
Here's the note Hazel wrote:
"I iM SORY AUGUST
I LOVE YOU" ** * then she drew a heart balloon with a smiley face.
**exactly as written

Overflow

there are times as a parent where i am able to step back for a minute and really see what i'm doing.
we didn't have school today and i have to say, it wasn't a great day. A woke up before me but was fine because he is allowed to play his DS when there is no school. H woke up around the same time i did. we had oatmeal for breakfast, hoping that it would start us out with warm full bellies.
we didn't do too much after that. i asked the kids to pick 2 books to take to a coffee shop so we could relax and be out of the house but by the time i got gas and headed to the coffee shop it was after noon and they were both sooooo hungry. so we opted for panara bread co. we were still able to lounge there and i got a coffee while the kids read their books. the wind was so wild and strong and it was doing that seattle sprinkling thing so we walked the mall just to say we'd done something.
then. we headed home.
and the kids....they watched tv. how much? well, i'm pretty sure they watched 2 hours of sponge bob. not my finest hour(s).
i can't even say i got much done while they were in their zombie mode. i poked around on line, i did some laundry, i started dinner. but really, i sat on my butt and enjoyed the quiet.
at some point during this 2 hour period i saw my life. i saw my children with that look that most children get when watching the boob tube and i saw myself totally un-engaged.
i announced that the tv needed to be off and the kids needed to be upstairs. H came up and played in her room- i think she wrote a letter to someone. A started reading one of his many, many novels. then. H started sobbing. sobbing because she couldn't get the envelope to stick. she couldn't get the envelope to stick because she had put marker all over the part you're supposed to lick. once this girl starts crying...it's hard to stop. so i went on itunes and did what any other mom would do. i bought her a song. if i knew how to post it on this i would. i bought her the song "it's alright to cry" by marlo thomas and friends. i bought it and i played it very loudly in the living room. she listened and cried. when the song was over she was done. the next song (mj, thriller) came on and she immediately jumped up and started dancing.
dinner is almost ready and the day is almost over.